It's Darkest Before The Dawn
It has been awhile since I blogged, as it has been a great struggle to write. After returning from a trip to Texas at the end of February, it was like the bottom of life had fallen out from beneath me. In March I hit an unexpected point of depression and anxiety I’ve never experienced before. Even to the point of struggling with a few thoughts of suicide. With the help of an already preplanned doctors visit and confiding in a truly dear friend, God in all of His goodness and perfect timing saw me through those struggles.
Also, during that difficult time, I experienced a part of grief I had not yet gone through. During all of Jon’s sickness and death I never became angry at him or God. I had really trusted in God’s sovereignty, but there truly are stages of grief and I guess no one is exempt from any of them. One morning I was fighting greatly with being angry at Jon for leaving me. Those emotions seemed to have come from no where. I stood in front of his picture on my wall, yelling at him and crying. Even though it had been 16 months later and I knew it was nothing he could have controlled or changed, those feelings were there and very real. Since experiencing and expressing those feelings of grief, it seems I’ve reached reached a new place in my griefprocess. My heart has been at much more peace and the memories of Jon bring more smiles than tears.
As I embark upon the rest of this year with the beginnings of a new business venture, the buildings of a new relationship with someone special, and the arrival of my third grandson this fall, I look forward to the wonderful things that God has in store.
When life takes us through hard times, we do not know how long the night may be. But there comes a time when we begin to see the sunrise and we know that the joy of the morning is just a head!
Psalms 30 1-5 says:
1 I will extol you, O Lord, for you have drawn me up and have not let my foes rejoice over me. 2 O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me. 3 O Lord, you have brought up my soul from Sheol; you restored me to life from among those who go down to the pit.
4 Sing praises to the Lord, O you his saints, and give thanks to his holy name. 5 For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.