If only I could tell them.....
I am still going through Jon's office trying to clean out stuff. It's been overwhelming to say the least and I have to take it in short spurts with sometimes days in between. It becomes so emotional that sometimes it almost feels unbearable. This week I happened upon a packet of pictures that Jon had printed off sometime in the past. I am not sure where he obtained this picture, it must have been one his parents took and he made a copy. This picture was from our bridal shower in the summer of 1988.
We were both so young! I only 21 and he 22. Many thoughts and dreams of how wonderful life ahead of us was going to be. I sit looking at that naive girl and boy, wishing I could go back and tell them what lies ahead. The good and the bad. The wonderful choices they make and the ones that nearly destroy them. How good God was when they kept Him first, and how things fell apart when they didn't. That the last few years of marriage would be the most intense, hard, difficult times of their lives, yet they both would come to know unconditional love for each other like never before.
Unfortunately none of us can go back and have a conversation with our younger self! We can only move forward and use our past to help us become better, stronger, and more determined to be the person God created us to be. I can't wait to get to heaven and be the pure Cindy that God created! No flaws, no hurts, or sin; I long to be that girl! I am jealous that Jon has already obtained his perfect self!
However, right now, we can use the pain of grief and hurt to take a deep look within ourselves. We can examine our hearts and allow God to use it to change us for the better. We can grant Him access to transform us and mold us into the closest, purest form of our self this side of heaven. But then the question becomes, will we allow others to watch us and lead such an example of faith that many will see and put their faith and trust in the Lord? That is my prayer with this blog. I am no writer or person with great wisdom beyond her years. I'm just a humble, grieving sinner who is sharing the trials God has allowed in her life. Hoping and praying that her growing and maturing faith might bring others to come know her Savior. For without Him, she is nothing.
Psalm 40: 1-3
I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire,
he set my feet on a rock,
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the Lord.