I always felt bad for the people I knew that had lost a loved one as we were getting close to the holidays. I thought about them, knowing this was a first "without" for them. I never could truly imagine the heartache that they felt, until now.
This picture below was taken on November 22nd, 2018, the last time we were all together for Thanksgiving. Just seven weeks later Jon was given a death sentence diagnosis. Thanksgiving was always Jon's favorite holiday. He loved everything about it, especially the fact that no one expected anything from you on that day. No presents or stress to endure. It was all just about family, food, and football! We always had a pretty regular Thanksgiving routine over the last several years. I prepped and cooked all morning. Then we would devour hours of work in about 30 minutes! The Thursday 5" stacked paper was always purchased and ended up scattered around the living room floor as everyone looked at the Black Friday ads, trying to decide if standing in freezing temperatures was worth the savings! Around 3:30pm we would all be gathered around the tv, somewhat comatose from all the food we had eaten, to watch the Dallas Cowboys play football. Around halftime, plates of food once again began to appear and some would begin to doze like a plump bear in hibernation. The last few years the day ended with the kids all headed back to their own places. Jon and I would sit back in our recliners while reimensing on all that was said and done that day. Enjoying the fulfillment in our hearts of having had everyone together.
This last week or so has been extremely difficult for me. Maybe because Thanksgiving is here and all those memories are flooding my mind. Maybe because it's already been two months, yet still feels like yesterday. Or, maybe just because it's plain old greif. The heartache of missing someone that you love so dearly and has been such a part of your life for so long. I know I am not alone on this journey, I know there are you reading this that get it.
I wish I could give you something wise and spiritual to say, but today it's not there. Today is just tears and trying to make it through this one day. When I started this blog I wanted to be real and honest. To be transparent and let you see my widow's journey of the good, the bad, and the ugly. Life is not perfect: heartache, pain and suffering are real. They are even real for some of you at this very moment. It sucks, it hurts, and it's painful. I only know to run to my Jesus. To ask Him to give me enough strength to get through this day. To be strong enough to keep pressing on until my journey is over.
Today, love your family with all you have. Give them hugs and kisses. Laugh and giggle. Tell silly jokes and make memories.